After I slept for 16 hours, Richrd and I went outside this afternoon and pulled up small trees for 4 or so hours. These are aweful spikey trees that grow like weeds and sprout everywhere. I'm fine with letting things grow and be where they are but we needed this space for the garden. This afternoon I think is the first time I have seen direct sunlight in 2 weeks. It is beautiful. Spring is starting to move in on top of the winter. We are composting and picking out seeds. Early today I opened all the windows, and walked through the house with the lamps off and the sun warming and lighting the house vaguely. Everyone I know has admitted this week to suffering from depression over lack of light this winter. It is as if we are all just now coming out of the closet over it, just now admitting to each other that we have been hiding in our rooms and suffering alone while we freeze from the inside and out.

I finished one of my zines, the tour journal for one reason from last year. I want to trade them with people for zines or cookies, so you should get in touch. It's hilarious for me to put things like this in here because my entire readership (of 5) is people that I see regularly. You could jump me and take a zine. Oh well, surprise me.

Oh, my birthday. Well, it started off with Low wishing me a happy one right after its midnight dawn, and then playing "Sunflowers" for me. Then I kept getting completely smashed at that bar as I said I would and made Crystal drive me to the Kinkos where I blindly finished my zine. That was probably the high point, and it slid off into a sad and boring slump after that. It wasn't anyone's fault, I'm just not the type of person that knows how to enjoy birthdays.

I found a tape that was made for me when I was 17. This is the song on it.

You wished me happy birthday, don't know what's so happy about it. I'm an old (wo)man to day and there's nothing I can do about it. Someone once said to me, "growing old ain't so bad" but I just try to make believe I've got something to celebrate this year. One less year that I have to contend with. Something to celebrate this year, one year closer to my demise. Used to have this big idea about what I'd be like when I grew older, prospects are getting dim and my whole world is growing colder. But on the brighter side, getting closer to the end. Then all my younger friends will have something to celebrate this year. One less year that I have to contend with. Something to celebrate this year. One year closer to my demise.