School is back in session and I need to make some decisions. First of all, some easy ones like "Am I going to take Color Photography II AND View Camera?" That's a lot of work, and I dont want to tether myself to the darkroom for the rest of the semester. I see a huge lazy malaise is hanging over my head for this semester. It's the first day of classes and I already feel it. I didn't sign up for painting this semester because I know how much I'll hate waking up at 9 am to paint blocks everyday. In theory, I really like painting. But in practice, I just like to sleep.

Another decision. Am I going to move in with Crystal? I'm seriously considering it. She just moved into a nice little duplex. It's got solid wood walls like a cabin. It's quite cozy and tempting. If I could talk my dad into semi-sponsoring a little of the rent, I could sort-of afford it. It would be a good change of scenery for me. I might actually learn to cook through necessity. Problem is, all of my decisions are really linked to one big one...

Am I moving to Bloomington at the end of this year?

If I am moving, I don't need to live with Crystal. I need to stay right here in my room and continue to save money. If I'm moving, I need to go on and take View Camera Photography so I'll know how to use one when I get to IU. (I'm really paranoid about being behind everyone when I get there). If I'm moving I need to finish sending in all my application materials to IU, buy a warmer coat, and PRAY that the housing is cheap and Financial Aid is easy to come by.

If I'm not moving, I have money to live with Crystal. Actually, I have money to buy a view camera for my own personal use. If I'm not moving, I don't need to take anymore classes because I am already way ahead. If I'm not moving, a big pressure valve on my chest is going to be let open and I will breath a lot lighter.

I am very comfortable here, at DSU. I love my photography professor, and all the other photo majors. I know everyone here. There aren't many surprises. I know when I'm here I can easily continue to put on shows, play music with the same old kids, walk around town without fear or nervousness, and have a regular job that funds my record fix. I don't have to worry about things in Cleveland. It is comfortable.

Is that what I really want? I don't know. I'm a creature of comfort. I don't need expensive clothes or food. I just need to feel like there is not much I have to worry about, and that is what Cleveland provides. BUT, Cleveland also ensures the same old thing for two more years. Same old people. Same shows. Same towns. Everything goes as planned. Maybe I need to move so that I have no idea how things are going to work out. Maybe I need to stay and go with what's easy until I graduate, and then get out into the fucked up real world. Maybe I need to sit down and have a real discussion with the other people in my life who are going to influence this decision.

Maybe one day, ONE DAY, when I go to Outlaws to eat it will be open.